Save that marriage on the brink of divorce
The statistics are frightening, aren’t they? Every 1 out of 3 marriages ends in divorce, it’s said. So when you feel your relationship starts to disintegrate, and you’re still very much in love with your spouse, you’d do almost anything to put things back together and get back to together. In love, committed, excited about the future.
So why marriages are doomed for failure? Due to a disconnect in communication or interaction. We simply stop talking; stop trying and we fail to truly acknowledge what’s important to our spouse.
Our focus is on ourselves, what we need, what makes us happy, where we want to go in life.
However marriage is collaboration, and in order to build a union based on strength and devotion, we need to consider our relationship as one team.
Your spouse needs to be your alley in life, your best friend, your confidant, and there should be no other person you can rely on, talk to and share your heart with.
On the flip side of the coin, regardless of the number of marriages end in divorce, if you are truly committed to saving yours, to put your marriage back on track and restore the love you once had, there are steps you can take.
Evaluating Your Marriage
Before you begin to fix what’s broken, you need to identify the issues in your relationship. You need to recognize what is tearing you apart in order to come together again.
This may seem easy but it isn’t. What you believe to be the missing component in your relationship may be something extremely different to your companion. You need to consider the circumstances from your companion’s perspective first, yours second.
What do you think is responsible for the collapse in communication or interaction? Why are you and your companion feel disconnected? Can you identify what was the single breaking point?
You need to focus on what role you played in your marriage problems, and how you can fix things to ensure that you can show your companion that you are committed to restoring your relationship.
Think of the reasons that led up to this point, and remember not to single out any one issue or argument that you might have had.
When it pertains to difficulties in marriages, it’s usually a series of events or repeated problems that cause the final blow to take place, and you need to identify what these issues were, so that you can ensure that when you’ve both worked to fix your marriage, same issues don’t resurface.
While there may be multiple factors that affect your ability to revive your relationship, you need to pinpoint where it all went wrong. Only then can you reverse the situation, and begin to fix your relationship.
If you believe that you’re responsible for your relationship broking down, you need to take steps to address the issue and resolve it.
Have you neglected your spouse?
Has the everyday routine taken control of the time you get to spend with your spouse?
Has bringing up children left you little time for intimacy?
Has work been a factor in your being sidetracked?
Every relationship needs nurturing, especially if you’ve been together for quite some time. Most of us have a tendency to take for granted what we believe will never fade, and when we become comfortable with our companions, and we believe that they will always be there for us, it’s far too easy to get caught up in the many distractions that eventually, lead us far from the one we love the most.
So, begin by setting time aside for your companion. Just the two of you, it needs to be, like it once was. Plan a date, so that you can regain the feelings you had when you first started dating. It’s always possible to revive your romance, even if you’ve been together for many years
You understand your spouse better than anyone, so think about what you can do to plan a special date where you can build new memories, and get to know each other all over again.
This isn’t the time to resolve your issues. You just want to have time with each other away from the chaos of daily life.
This is a time for you to unwind and relax, to just be with your companion in a relaxing setup, so that you can both remember what it’s like being with each other as well as recollecting the days when things were a lot less complicated.
Restoring Your Marriage
Once you are able to go back to a time in your life where you recall the reasons why you fell in love with your spouse, it’s time to work towards harnessing that passion so you can rejuvenate your marriage, and reignite the spark.
In order to move beyond your relationship issues and get things back on track, you need to make time to review your relationship with your spouse. This is a private conversation between the two of you, so you need to make sure that there are no interruptions, and that you have the time you need to connect.
Be honest and truthful during your conversation. You need to share your concerns, your frustrations, and your discomfort with your spouse. And, your spouse needs to be upfront with you about his or her feelings, and you both need to establish the freedom to be as open as possible, without judgment.
While there may be things said that are hard to listen to, if you are serious about fixing your relationship it’s important that you recognize all the issues and concerns, so you can address things individually.
Give your spouse time to speak, without interruption. Even if you feel the need to voice your concerns, or to make a correction, you need to let go and comprehend that your perspective may be different from your companions, and that the more you understand about how your spouse is feeling, the better your chances at being able to restore your relationship.
This is valuable information, so let your companion feel at ease sharing his or her thoughts and feelings without worrying about how you’ll react.
You both have your own set of ideas, thoughts and feelings and you need to compromise and consider both sides equally, so that you can eventually come together as if you complement each other, and can grow as a couple.
Sometimes when we try to get to the bottom of a issue, we allow someone else’s feelings or reactions guide our own.
When this happens, we hold back, regretting about sharing our real thoughts and concerns on how we make our companion feel.
This makes it incredibly difficult to determine what the issue actually is, and decreases your chances at fixing your marriage. So listen carefully, give your companion the reassurance and confidence he or she needs to speak freely and absorb.
Most of the times, merely sitting down with your companion and having a heart to heart helps you get back to the place you once were. It’s a “reset” button where once you voice your concerns, share your feelings and get it off your chest, you feel new again. You feel understood, and in return, you understand your companion better.
Once you have had a heart to heart, and you believe that you truly understand how your companion is feeling as well as what your spouse desires and needs, you need to put a prompt plan into action.
It’s far too easy to slip back into old habits, so take a seat and consider how you can spend a little time each day nurturing interaction with your spouse, and giving each other the time you need.
This could involve modifying work schedules, getting the kids to bed a bit earlier, or waking up earlier so you can have a conversation over breakfast.
Whatever you need to do, it’s important that you develop better habits concerning your marriage, so that you can demonstrate to your spouse that you’re taking it seriously, and that you’re committed at getting your marriage back on track.
Obviously, your spouse needs to return the interaction and attention to you as well, and if either of you feels that the other is getting off the track again, you need to voice your concerns at an early stage.
Keeping a marriage on the right track calls for dedication of both partners. You need to understand that it’s not always going to be easy, however that you love each other enough to stick it out, and make it through the rough spots.