Be the Girl Men Adore
If you asked women today what kind of girl, men adore and couldn’t live without. The answer to that she would have to be an Angelina Jolie lookalike or at least be blonde, blue-eyed and have killer legs. While this type of woman certainly attracts a great deal of attention, she actually isn’t the kind of woman that men adore.
Now girls, that’s truly great news for most of us!
You see, while men are visual creatures and that first fascination is sparked from looks, you would be amazed to find out how much more men actually want from women.
For instance, a team of sociologists conducted a study, trying to understand if there was a common denominator that men found appealing in women, that one thing that gets any man wishes to go over and talk to a girl. You would never guess what the result was. No, it wasn’t her breasts, her legs or her bum. Actually, it wasn’t any body part below her chin and it wasn’t her features, either.
It was her smile. The majority of men stated that they found absolutely nothing as appealing as a woman’s smile.
The point of this revelation is that you need to put your presumptions and the rules society has beaten into you all away. You need to comprehend that essentially, men and women are different and it’s alright to be a woman. There’s nothing wrong with giving up control to your partner once in a while, especially since it makes you feel better as well.
Society may have put men and women on equal footing in the workplace and perhaps some other areas of our lives. While it is absolutely true that a woman can do practically anything a man does and vice-versa, it is also true that we have fundamental differences that we are hardwired with. The problem is that when we try to neglect those differences and pretend they do not exist, as women, we end up shutting ourselves away from the world in an attempt to be much more like the men we want to compete.
Generally, this is most prevalent in the workplace, however, unfortunately a lot of women bring this behavior over into their personal lives and they end up hurting themselves as well as their partners.
Women are usually afraid to be women, to appear feminine or vulnerable because they equate it with being weak. However, quite the opposite holds true, because a woman who is in tune with herself and shows her vulnerability wields much more power over a man than if she were to constantly act tough.
Let us explore the differences between men and women and how it is that those differences provide us more strength than, any rules society may seek to impose upon us. Moreover, once you allow your inner woman to shine through, you become the girl that all men adore and cannot live without.
Being a Woman
A lot of the problems we have in our relationships originate from a lack of understanding, simply put we have no idea why men act the way they do. In fact, they usually do not understand why they act the way they do so it’s no surprise we have difficulty deciphering their responses.
However, before we begin to explore these fundamental differences, it’s worth taking a step back and look at ourselves in the mirror because if we do not learn to finally accept who and what we are, we will never be able to make the necessary changes to be the woman men adore. The most significant problem we have right now is our perception of ourselves. Women’s lib has been taken to an entirely new level and from merely meaning that women should have equal rights to men in society, it has come to mean, “Women should not be women and should act more like men”.
The reason for this is rather simple. Men are competitive by nature women are not. Therefore, to be successful in the workplace, more and more women have had to be just as competitive as men and in many cases much more so because they start with a handicap in the eyes of the competitors. They are women. Unfortunately, though, several women have taken this competition to a completely new level and their drive to succeed has encouraged them that being a woman means being weak, so they have to shut off their feelings and act more like the men they work with.
Unfortunately, women are grossly mistaken because our femininity is in no way a weakness, however, actually, a strength, as it is the one thing that enables us to influence men a lot more effectively than any argument or competition ever will. Men are armless in front of a woman’s softness simply because men were designed to fight and women were designed to nurture.
Women Offer Advice, Men Offer Solutions.
What several women do not seem to comprehend is that men are completely different. They express themselves differently; they relate to one another differently, they process information differently. However, a woman who comprehends these differences becomes a priceless gem that men adore. John Gray, in “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus” explains it splendidly: “Love is enchanting, and it can last, if we remember our differences.”
In fact, it is these precise differences between men and women that spark passion and love because otherwise men wouldn’t need women and vice versa.
Yes, it is quite possible to understand men and it is probably easier for us to understand them than the other way around. And no, you haven’t stepped into an episode of the Twilight Zone.
To start with, you need to understand that men are primarily driven by success and achievement. They value substantial results, efficiency and power and everything they do is geared towards proving themselves.
Men won’t sit around and talk about their feelings, rather they prefer to engage in competitive activities where they can win. It gives them the opportunity to flaunt their supremacy over other men.
You won’t find a man reading the latest issue of People or Cosmo however rather he will read the sports section of the paper or the news. He cares little about love stories because he is much more curious about things rather than feelings. And he likes things that help him express power, whether a expensive sports car or the latest gadgets and gizmos.
Solutions vs Advice
Men are goal driven and they feel great about themselves when they manage to achieve their goals because they prove that they are worthy and proficient. If they do so by themselves then that is an even greater testament to their power and strength.
Because men are hardwired to solve their problems by themselves, they seldom talk about them. When they do, it means they need guidance and help.
If women can understand this side of men, they will understand why men hate being corrected or advised without asking for it. It makes them feel incompetent and they feel that you don’t trust them to solve the problem.
This is also, why men tend to offer solutions when women talk to them regarding their problems. It is because if another man were to share his problems, it is an unspoken request for help so he feels honored to provide a solution.
When he provides a solution for the woman he loves, it is an expression of his love but when a woman gets upset because she perceives that he isn’t listening or emphasizing he has no idea what he did to upset her. The outcome is that he withdraws and basically blocks her out.
Dealing with Stress and anxiety
Men also deal with stress and anxiety differently than women do. A woman talks about all her problems with her friends, who will instinctively understand that she needs a little support and understanding so they empathize. On the other hand, men tend to withdraw and focus on a different activity so that they can ignore their problems until the following day when they have to handle them.
Unfortunately, most women think that he doesn’t care about her or is ignoring her because he isn’t talking about his problems with her when it’s merely a matter of how men deal with stress and anxiety differently than women. You need to accept the fact that it is impractical to expect a man to open up instantly to you when he is under stress just as it is impractical for a man to expect you to calm down and be logical and rational all the time.
You need to understand that if he withdraws to watch football or read the newspaper, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, it merely implies he is really stressed. You need to learn not to take it personally and to provide him a little space. Additionally, if you ask for his attention in a calm and relaxed manner you will find he will be much more responsive than if you start the blame game.
A Woman’s Power to Influence
As women, we seem to think that the most effective means to influence our partners is either by nagging, yelling or shutting down when we feel he is ignoring us. The problem, though, is that more often than not we expect men to read our minds and understand what we want from them. Unfortunately, that is the path that leads to certain death for any type of relationship for the simple reason that men are so different in how they process feelings and emotions.
For instance, a woman wishes to talk about her problems whereas men tend to be introvert and like to determine their problems by themselves. For a man to talk to someone regarding his problems, it usually means that he is asking for advice or a solution, which is why when women share their problems they tend to offer solutions. The important thing is that when we are airing our grievances we usually do not wish to hear a solution, we just want to be heard, understood and held. We want someone to understand.
However, men simply do not understand how to empathize because it isn’t part of their makeup. When men are talking about their problems to each other it is an indication that they are asking for advice, for a solution because they certainly aren’t asking for an understanding “Hmmm” or a hug, as we women expect. So, naturally, when he starts providing a solution we get all upset that he doesn’t understand what we want without actually realizing that he simply doesn’t understand.
Additionally, women have a powerful “weapon”, if it can be called that, to influence men. It depends on our vulnerability. By opening your heart up and expressing your true feelings you will be amazed at the outcomes.
You must not mistake vulnerability as a weakness because allowing yourself to be vulnerable means that you are strong enough to accept the fact that you might get hurt if you open yourself up. In fact, by allowing yourself to be vulnerable and express a complete range of emotions, you will be taking care of yourself much more because you will be telling him precisely what you want and what you need.
You see, there are couple of things that make a man happier than knowing he can make his woman really feel great and when she is upset, he intends to do everything in his power to make her feel much better. If you can learn to genuinely express your feelings to him rather than rattle off a list of problems, you will find that he becomes much more receptive.
What Do Men Really Want
Primarily, you need to understand that men like things simple. They don’t over analyze every phrase you say looking for a hidden meaning nor do they speak in riddles. In fact, you can be certain that most of the times, when a man says something that’s precisely what he means in that moment.
What does this mean? It implies that men adore women who tell them straight what they feel and don’t feel. So, for instance, rather than hinting that you are too tired to go out that evening or trying to hint at the fact that you are upset he isn’t spending enough time with you, try telling him. Yes, you run the risk of being rejected but at the same time you are revealing him what you want and there’s nothing men love more than not having to stress over making a mistake and upsetting you.
Certainly, delivery is essential as well and a man responds much better if your delivery is soft and feminine rather than screaming your head off at him. By being soft and feminine, you completely disarm him because men wish to make their women happy. On the other hand, if you start screaming, all you are doing is basically competing with him and he will start treating you like one of the guys because men compete against each other. Therefore, he will either do the “guy thing” and withdraw inside himself or simply try to compete with you.
You see, men marry women who make them feel good and because they have such difficulty accessing their own emotions, they love being with a woman who makes them feel good. Now, if he is constantly walking around on eggshells because he doesn’t understand how to please you, the last thing he will feel is good.
Men Want to Feel Needed
Because of the way, our society is structured today; many women are embarrassed to confess, even to themselves, that they wish to feel cherished and that they need a man. Even though they feel empty without a partner, It’s almost a sacrilege to admit it.
You will find that there are many women, and you might be one of them, who have a great career and date regularly yet cannot maintain a relationship. And they have no idea why. It is precisely because they have convinced themselves that they don’t need a man and that is what they project.
Unfortunately, if a man doesn’t feel that a woman needs him he will think there is nothing he can do for her that she cannot do on her own. He won’t be able to play the knight in shining armor for his woman and there is nothing that will get a man to run away faster than the feeling that he isn’t needed.
While self-reliance is a wonderful thing in some areas of your life, it is usually the most significant killer of intimacy. Besides, would you wish to be with someone who says they don’t need you? No one is saying you need to use him as an emotional crutch or relinquish all control to him, however you do need to understand that the idea of equality is extremely over rated in relationships.
In fact, if you were both on equal footing then you would be just like one of his mates and very few women intend to be treated like one of the guys. After all, guys never open up to each other, they are constantly competing on some level or other and they certainly do not hug and kiss each other. Is that what you want?
Women Use Words, Men Tune Out
When women are distressed with their man they believe that the most effective solution is to get him to sit down and talk about it. She’ll start talking a mile-a-minute and a man will eventually tune her out. Then she will get upset that he isn’t paying attention to her and he doesn’t understand why she is complaining because “I can tell you everything you said.”
You need to brand the following phrase into your mind “MEN HAVE SHORT ATTENTION SPANS”, especially when it pertains to problems. You see, men have a silly habit of presuming that every issue you talk about is in some way his fault, even if you aren’t trying to accuse him. He will then try to clarify himself, which will make you even angrier and then everything degenerates into a screaming match.
Unfortunately, men do not respond to screaming or lectures because it is a form of competition. However, men do respond to seeing the woman they love suffering and they do so significantly if they feel she isn’t blaming them for her pain. Men will move mountains to for a smile on the face of the woman they love.
So, rather than launching into a lengthy explanation regarding what is upsetting you, which will have him tuning out soon after you start, try a different approach. Simply tell him what you are feeling but keep it brief. You will find he responds much better and will be much more determined to correct whatever he might be doing that upsets you.
Another good way to get his attention without trying to compete with him is to simply walk away and keep your distance. Yes, initially he will be fine however soon he starts wondering if you are upset with him and then he will come to you. When that happens he will be much more receptive than if, you had to force him to sit down and have “the talk.”
Men Don’t Intend To Compete With Their Woman
Men truly do not intend to compete with their woman. They do not marry for competition because they get enough of that in various other areas of their lives, from work to their friends. What they want is someone they can rely on, someone they can have fun with and someone who will be loyal to them.
Men want peace and they intend to please their wife or girlfriend, which is why men avoid conflict in their relationships as best they can. Conflict, for a man, equates to a competition and men are hardwired to do everything they can to win any kind of competition. Since most men do not wish to win over their companion, they end up withdrawing.
Therefore, if you take a different approach and simply refuse to argue and, rather, use your feelings to disarm him, you will find that you are actually the one in control. Think of when you were a little girl and you wanted something from your Dad, what did you do? You used your feelings, making him feel like the best dad on the planet and you would twirl him around your little finger, regardless of how much difficulty he would get into. It was all to make his little girl happy and put a smile on her face because it made him feel great.
The same holds true in relationships and if you can relearn the art of using your feelings, you will find that your man is far more responsive to you. He will want to do things for you just to please you and see you happy because that is what makes him happy. There’s nothing more important to a man than the understanding that he can please his woman.
Empower Your Man
Women love to try, and transform men. Go on, confess, you know you do. How many times have you watched a movie and fallen for the bad guy and deep down you “knew” you could transform him? Just think of American Psycho starring Christian Bale. Countless women were drooling over a psychotic killer brandishing a chainsaw and not because he looked good, but because deep down inside they were convinced, they could transform him. Basically, they fell in love with his potential rather than the man he already is.
Well, that perhaps a worthy project if you wish to risk your neck with someone like that however it will only serve to push your man away if you try to apply the same technique to your relationship. Men feel empowered and loved when they are relied on and accepted for who they are. Actually, a little appreciation goes a long way to make him feel loved.
However, if you try to transform him, in his mind you are essentially saying that he isn’t good enough, competent enough, smart enough and so on and so forth. The result is that you will be hurting him even if you do not realize it. The more you try to transform him the less he feels that you love, trust and accept him.
While women think of it a sign of affection to offer advice, men see it as a validation of the fact that they aren’t trusted or worthy. Keep in mind; men are open to advice only when they ask for it.
Therefore, rather than trying to transform him by offering unsolicited advice, show your love by offering him trust. You need to trust him that he is capable of resolving his problems by himself.
This doesn’t mean you need to hide your feelings. It simply means that you shouldn’t use them as punishment or a weapon to transform him. You won’t succeed in transforming him anyway and it will simply drive the two of you apart.
For instance, if he is upset you might be tempted to prod and poke until you get the truth out of him regarding what’s bothering him. However, he will see that as an attempt on your part to transform how he deals with his problems and it will make him feel you don’t trust him. Rather, show a little concern but for the most part ignore the fact that he is upset until he is ready to come and talk to you.
Also, avoid offering free advice since it will, again, make him feel as if you don’t accept who he is or don’t trust him. Rather, be patient and have faith that he will be able to grow on his own and eventually he will come to you to ask for advice.
Another huge mistake women make is to make sacrifices for their man, expecting the reverse. However, this merely makes him feel as if you are trying to change the way he behaves. Hence, you are better off doing things for yourself and not depending on him to make you happy.
Just as you wouldn’t like your man making decisions for you or telling you what to do, your man also feels as if you are trying to control him if you order him about. Just relax and accept that imperfections are what make life beautiful. After all, what’s more important? His feelings or whether he vacuumed under the table?
On the Outside
While this might be considered a little superficial, unfortunately, there is nothing we can do about the fact that men are visual creatures. This doesn’t mean that you have to stop by the cosmetic surgeon in the morning to remodel yourself into a Victoria’s Secret runway model.
However, there are certain things that make women much more attractive to men. For instance, men definitely adore long hair on women. It signifies femininity and the only thing they love more than long hair, is to see that long hair pulled up in a ponytail. The reason for this is that it has a slight sexual connotation by showing off the graceful curves of your neck.
Additionally, if you embrace a more feminine style by wearing dresses and skirts more often, you will find that more men are attracted to you. This is because women tend to appear softer and much more feminine in dresses and men are attracted to that like bees to honey.
Last but certainly not least, high heels. Yes, heels do something amazing for your posture and make men fall head over their proverbial heels. One reason is because, you tend to move slower and much more gracefully when you are wearing high heels. It’s virtually impossible to walk at breakneck speed or be less than graceful in high heels. Not if you don’t wish to break your neck that is.
Additionally, you know you feel amazing inside when you are wearing heels. It provides you a new confidence because you feel taller and much more attractive. You generally feel on top of the world. Moreover, this confidence shines through and men pick up on it. There’s nothing more attractive to a man than a woman who is comfortable with herself and is confident.
OK– Here We Go: In Bed
Sex is a vital part of relationship and it can make or break an otherwise wonderful couple. The most significant problem women have when it pertains to sex is that they tend to be excessively self conscious. This leads on a lack of focus on what is going on and you tend to be so worried about how you look that you forget to enjoy what’s happening.
Not only that, but some women also voices their insecurities that makes it even worse. Ladies, you need to stop concentrating on what you think is wrong with you and enjoy the moment. If he’s there with you, telling you that you turn him on then believe him. After all, men cannot fake it. Seriously, they cannot.
If he’s in the bedroom with you, that means he’s already turned on by who you are right now. Pointing out your cellulite or attempting to hide a part of your body for fear you might look fat or wobbly is like shining a spotlight on it for him to see, which he probably would never have noticed otherwise. Men don’t see those things we think of as imperfections until you point them out.
Another problem many relationships face is that sex becomes routine, then gradually dries up, and disappears completely. Society is as much responsible for this as we are. We forget that sex is supposed to be fun along with a great way to bond with your partner.
In one of Tony Robbins’ seminars, he narrated the story of a couple who were in their nineties and had been together for more than sixty years. However, they were still deeply in love with one another and it showed because they expressed themselves physically as well. So much so that Tony suggested they might wish to retire to their room. When asked what their secret was, the couple responded that, amongst various other things, they would try anything once. If they liked it, they do it again.
Simply put, variety is the spice of life and sex is nothing to be ashamed of. The more variety you have in your sex life, the less likely it is that it will become monotonous and a matter of obligation rather than pleasure.
There are several things you can do to keep your sex life interesting, from surprising your man with an impromptu romp to role playing for him, you can be sure he will certainly want to play along. Keep in mind that it doesn’t always have to be a Hollywood production of the perfect romantic night. Sometimes a hot, sweaty, fast roll in the hay is precisely what the doctor ordered. You’ll also find that it is a great way to relieve stress as well.
However, don’t expect to have a wonderful talk afterwards and then get upset when he falls asleep. Men are hard pressed to share their feelings any time, let alone after a great round of sex when their brain has completely turned off.
If you wish to be the woman that all men adore then you need to understand them. The more you understand a man, how he processes and operates higher your chances of being able to personify his dream woman.
This doesn’t mean that you need to develop a persona that is not in accordance with who you are. Unfortunately, though, several women hesitate to reveal their true selves because they feel it makes them look weak. The problem is that the more you conceal your true self, the more resentment you accumulate within, whether or not you realize it, since you are working so hard to put up this front that has nothing to do with who you truly are.
If you learn to love and accept who you are, you will emit an aura of self-confidence that men find irresistible, and by enabling yourself to confess to the fact that you need a man in your life, you will instantly feel liberated and will be much more open. You won’t project the tough façade of “I don’t need anyone” which drives most men away, because as we have already seen, men want to feel needed.
A man wishes to take care of a woman, he intends to be her hero and a woman who is completely self-sufficient and projects an aura of fierce independence will drive men away. Obviously, there are men who like strong women who take the lead yet usually, a woman, regardless of how strong or independent she is, doesn’t wish to have to be the one doing the safeguarding. Even if she won’t confess to herself, initially.
The problem is that by being dishonest with yourself you might enter into a relationship that ends up hurting both of you. The reason is that you initially project something to later open up and show your vulnerability and need for support. He feels cheated that you are a different person and so resentment builds up on both sides and lead to an unfortunate ending.
Therefore, just accept who you truly are and allow yourself to be a woman. In fact, be proud of the fact that you are a woman and keep in mind that men live to make their women happy because it’s what makes them feel good.
The woman most men adore is the one who isn’t afraid to show her softer side, to show that she needs her man and one who understands the fundamental differences between men and women. By understanding how a man reacts differently, she will be able to much better respond to him and hence develop a tranquil loving home.
There is nothing more appealing to a man than a woman who has enough self-confidence and trust in him to be vulnerable with him. He can move mountains to please you and put a smile on your face, because men melt when they see the woman they love smile.